A Greyhound bus proves to be suitable place to think, meditate, and write at 5:30 a.m. amidst its peculiar sounds (snoring) and smells (God knows what?). As I chatted with those waiting in line to check their luggage and as I looked into the faces of those boarding, a questioned weighed heavy on my mind and indeed my heart. What do they fear? I’m not quite sure if I could pinpoint what exactly evoked such a question, but it may have been the uneasiness of one gentleman, recently released from prison who asked to use my phone or the elderly woman whose face displayed years of hardship (or perhaps lack of sleep, it was 4:45). Whatever it may have been, I began to ask myself the question. What do I fear? Many things flood the mind when pondering such a question, such as, fears of the future, of safety, of acceptance, etc. However, the fear that rose above the others happened to be the most superficial, the fear of transparency. The faces coming on the bus were a mirror reflecting back to me, as it were, my own insecurities and desire to "keep up appearances." If you’re honest with yourself, I imagine the same fear lies under the surface for you as well. This is what makes Jesus so dangerous. He knows everything, or so we say, from our most intimate thoughts to our darkest secrets. The one in whom we hope is at the same time the one from whom we hide. We hide from him when we attempt to “keep up appearances” when in the presence of his body (i.e. the church) instead of living as the broken and yet redeemed people we are. If we truly “buy” into cruciformity, then we’d live naked, striped of our facades, exposed, vulnerable to judgment, and crucified, dead to the fear of transparency.
Please, O merciful Father, help me to die continually to the fears that arise from self-consciousness and live naked, exposed, and crucified as your blessed Son and my Savior, Jesus the Messiah.
BD
Please, O merciful Father, help me to die continually to the fears that arise from self-consciousness and live naked, exposed, and crucified as your blessed Son and my Savior, Jesus the Messiah.
BD